I'm half single.
Please tell me it's the bottom half.
Tell me why Im cashing out of Walmart with Smirnoff and catfood
not to mention it took an hour of antique roadshow to calm my dick down
She somehow inhaled a tack last night, she's having surgery today.
woke up this morning in the hall outside of my parents room with a sign taped to myself that said "im sorry"...
I ended up in a shower with 9 people and a bunch of unopened beer last night. I think I got peed on. Hands were everywhere. We sold the peed on beer to people knocking on the hotel room door.
Wow, now I'm sad I didn't go.
At this point the smell of shame has become my natural musk
Yeah...don't think he was sober. He kept screaming "I fucking love this game!". It was his Chase app.
I can taunt you with whatever I want. Like batman and sex.
TOUCH YOURSELF. DO IT.
I don't think that's how you're supposed to sext
New drunken fun fact of last night, after I pushed Sarah and before I started making out with guy #1, I shouted that I'd go to third base on a first date, then threw myself at him
Did u smell a guys dreadlocks in the McDonald's drive thru line last night or did I dream that?
And literally 4loko margaritas are callin my name. They're like "Hey girl come on over here I'll make you forget about grades and boys and it'll be a good idea to send everyone 55 snapchats of your cleavage" ok
how did i manage to wake up with my bra on backwards?
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she cant stop having the shits.
Randomize
