I looked up to you, until I saw her walk out of your room.
The cab driver just finished telling me how leaving community college after one month was the best desicion he ever made.
so he reminded me it was our 9 month anniversary and then said "we could've had a baby by now"
all you kept saying from the spare room was "can you bring me a puke bowl...and the cat"
So apparently when he was telling people he was in Alaska for 6 months he was actually in jail
He had me believing he was actually British until he came and used his real voice.
Just did a walk of shame dressed as a cowgirl and walked past his ex's entire sorority. Yippee kye aye, motherfucker.
She came to the party with six kegs and a life sized portrait of Lavar Burton. SHE WILL BE MY WIFE.
You turned to me, winked, whispered "man the harpoons" and walked out with the fat chick
He also gave me two gold stars for sex. On my nipples.
I may have to marry her. She is smarter than me and has a six figure job and doesn't want to have kids. All I have to be is a trophy husband.
Dude, you flipped off a cat from my balcony and yelled at it to get a house
There are Vine videos that have lasted longer than he did
You gave your one night stand my number. I told him you left for your sex change an hour ago.
Just test drove the kilt for Justin's wedding. NEVER. WEARING. PANTS. AGAIN.
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