if you wake up with plaid pants on your floor in the morning, you made a bad decision.
Ok, so for future reference, in Rome, "piano bar" means "brothel".
Hey they cleaned all the blood out of the elevator. Also could you pick up some nachos?
He's got a southern drawl and a lisp. I'm getting mindfucked right now.
Can you explain to me later why there's a pirate hat in my bathtub
Lightning struck the tree right outside of her window as I came inside her. I think its God's way of saying go by plan b.
Maybe it was silver. I don't know. I was drunk sifting through my dogs vomit.
Trumps. I've been wiping my ass with fast food napkins for 3 days.
I'm cutting her off I can't have my good name soiled with these kinds of shenanigans
Shit is preposterous
someone needs to name a hurricane after you
Fair warning birthday party last night avoid kitchen & upstairs bathroom if you value your remaining sanity
She'll feel so accomplished if she finally gets to bang me.
Baruch atah adonai DAT ASS DOE
I hate college football. It's really fucking with our phone sex schedule.
You made noises. And kept meowing. I have a twenty minute phone call to prove it.
Randomize
