Alex, there's no such thing as a fancy sex store.
Sorry I couldn't get my dick out
dude we were making out and she kept singing the americas next top model song. you wanna be on top?
I tried carrying you from the bathroom to your bed and you begged me to bring the toilet too
I also turned off the Anchorman DVD start menu before cause I didn't want Will Ferrel watching me lose my virginity.
Im sorry i offered the man at mcdonalds your hand in marriage in exchange for some french fries
Then when he got home he face timed me and showed me his balls
I love this text stream: discussing the development of a business model centered around cooking acid to bankroll a yacht trip in Croatia
He put those pics of him with those girls on facebook and tagged his wife in them
Tequila 1 marriage 0
She told me having sex was our civic duty. How can I not love her?
we went to go get waffles and then i sucked his dick in a parking lot. average tuesday.
I vaguely remember ordering a water at some point last night. It's good to know drunk me can still be responsible.
Uber southern baptist grandma and uber flaming cousin just got into an argument about whether jesus is OK with gay marriage. Aren't these things only supposed to happen at Thanksgiving?
I would rather contract a disease that would eat me from the inside out and make me suffer painfully while it slowly killed me than to put myself through the 20 minutes of agony that is having sex with you ever ever again.
I think you're talking dirty but I'm not sure???
you poured beer in your mouth so you could be a beer pong cup for her to drink out of/make out with
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