All i remember as you were making ramen is that you kept slurring "i like you as a color"...
I think the puke all over the side of my car actually improves its appearance.
i remember getting really pissed off when you wouldn't let me sleep in the garage with your cat.
I feel like you pissing on my ping pong table isn't something to be proud of.
She wore that goddamn strap-on all night. When she was playing guitar hero it kept getting in the way but she just wouldn't take it off.
I'm trying to think of how to explain to the dentist tomorrow that I think I pulled my jaw muscle eating pizza while drunk.
Started with us just having a beer. Now Ivan lit a torch to walk to the store, Ben smashed a 26 in the parking lot, and they're throwing broken shot glasses. Fratio Friday is something.
When I see myself in tank tops and push up bras I seriously wonder why I'm not President.
You don't have a wife, you don't have a dog, and you need a new bong. Don't make this any worse than that.
I hope you get a lego stuck in your dickhole
Pretty sure we're going to get a cease & desist notice from the Make A Wish Foundation, but until then...
We knew it was an interesting night when we found my thong wrapped around a chocolate chip muffin in the fridge.
I really need to stop turning to the BDSM dungeon masters of tinder whenever my heart hurts
woke up hungover this morning lying in a water raft covered in water.. i dont know if i should consider this good or bad
He was talking about his friends deceased ferret and I still managed to orgasm.
Now THAT is dedication!
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