I hate u. Im listening to lady gaga and all i can hear is boca base om om om ommmm
The crazy thing is, I dont actually know where the cat is, she said something bout the back of the toilet and a sock.
Remember when we did the egg drop from the Dyson building? Her vag is like that, except with a ham, and the ham doesn't make it. I'll be back to the apartment in ten.
watching espn. realized that the exact place those sportcenter guys are is where I got laid on the beach last superbowl. my sex spot is broadcasted nationwide
I knew I was in the wrong bar when "I have a daughter your age" was some random's pick up line.
Just croosed over that too drunk for chemistry class line
The doctor told me if I woke up with a broken foot and don't know how it happened, I might want to look into getting treatment.
Wow i don't think I've had to send this many texts apologizing for my behavior since high school...
How are you getting in?
I know some influential drag queens
Someone should make a valentines day card that says "I like the way you continuously consume thc with no concept of a limit other than drug supply" Because I'd send that to you.
I literally stopped banging her when my ESPN app alerted me that the Spurs had won. That's how much I hate Lebron. I would rather watch him cry in the post game interviews than get it in
He finally left. I didn't introduce him to the roommate. The sex is bad. I don't want him to feel welcome
Wake up. Smoke. Masturbate while eggos cook. Go back to bed. Smoke. Body spray shower. Beer with breakfast. Class. Morning of a champion.
Dude how about today while I was on lunch someone died in the break room at work....I didn't even know we had a break room!!
How do you confess that you've had phone sex with your fiancé's brother's ex-girlfriend's new guy she's dating who has also slept with your best friend?
Randomize
