we both passed out while playing beer pong, woke up in the morning and continued to play coffee pong to cure our hangovers
You gave him your vagina and this is what I get in return? This is bullshit!
Just found out for my occult lit class (history of cults) final project is making a spellbook. Hello last term of college.
we have to get out to the bar earlier. all of the guys are already committed to the girls they're going home with.
If I had KNOWN you and mom were coming to visit, I wouldn't have passed out in the frat. This is why I hate surprises.
Well, I plan on starting the night dressed as little red riding hood. Then I plan on finishing the night dressed as a shit show in a red cape.
Sorry I invoked the "everyones getting smacked including myself policy last night"
banged a milf last night. she left right after cause of parent teacher conferences this morning. victory.
I danced shirtless on a platform with a fucking stripper who went to MIT
Perfect. I'll put on my party clothes and write emergency numbers on my arm
You walked in with a bag of weed and asked for a watermelon. For some reason they actually gave you one, and you made it into a perfectly working bong. Two of them offered their girlfriends to you for the night.
I just typed "I've got a friend" and my phone autocompletes to "that's a dick appointment". What is my life.
Im four hours late for work AND i pissed my bed
No I didn't say it was safe, I said it was legal. I didn't say anything about it being safe. It's not my fault if you weren't listening properly.
My boyfriend's mom is the manager of Wendy's. The same one I took a pregnancy test in.
Randomize
