Ughh on my way to the bathroom now... literally just puked on myself and cleaned it off with a hot dog bun... I love tailgate
Some chick in the back of my Psychologhy of Addictions class just did a line off her hand. She tried to make it look subtle.
watchout when you come home, dougs at the top of the stairs naked eating doritos
i had the all of mcdonalds chanting USA as he motorboated you
You know, there is no convenient place for your beer when you are on shrooms taking a shower.
He only dropped the Russian accent after we started having sex.
The horrors my penis has endured I wouldn't wish upon any man.
somehow a sneeze triggered me puking over everyone in the car
I'm on my "fiiiiirrrst" glass of wine- the quotes mean it's the last of the bottle- so I really need you to pick up your phone so we can talk about this
Disregard the shoes in the freezer.
She fell off the bed and giggled until she passed out naked. It was really weird.
Probably not gonna date her.
You blacked out at 9:30 and insisted on sleeping in the hallway after you chugged an entire pitcher of beer. I guess the Jell-O shots were stronger than we thought...
I just bumped into this random I hooked up with a few years ago at Steve's party. Talk about a fingerblast from the past!
You hear the wildest shit in a Walmart bathroom.
It's like every time I'm baked I discover my fingers all over again.
Randomize
