Dude, I woke up in the middle of the night and your room mate was just standing there at the foot of the bed, watching us sleep.. you don't remember me shaking the shit out of you to tell you this?!
This could explain the reason why I've been finding his clothing and keys scattered in random parts of my room..
AND THIS DOESN'T WORRY YOU?!
drunk at some random house party. come get me. i thought i pulled my dick out to go piss... it was my left nut. im soaked.
Eric got herpes from Jo-ann
That's what he deserves for hooking up with a french canadian
i forgot beer had calories. that would explain alot.
Also, I had a dream I had a ray gun and woke up holding my dick.
Either allow it in a formal toast or i will drunkenly tell your in-laws while i'm dancing on their table. either way, the truth is coming out
that was after you ironed the burrito. didn't leave much cheese on the ironing board though
We broke the shower door. Completely off. His roommates were not happy but I sure was
Let me just say....i'm sorry about setting your carpet on fire. I had no idea that the paper towel would burn that quickly.
Are you scared? I basically plan on us looking like giant drunk skittles
I told her to not worry about it. Lone Star is an excellent first trimester beer.
Update. A gay dude just told me I'm the most beautiful thing with a vagina he as ever seen. How should I feel about this?
I have an interview tomorrow! The couple we regularly swing with said I could use them as references. Winning
I'm naked in a forest ranger station right now
My younger brother asked me "to stop fucking his girlfriends older sisters"
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