I feel like your standards for women is like rent-a-centers standards for credit.
If there is ever a next time, care about me enough to lube it up no matter what my drunk ass says
I will fuck a handful of worms if you hold them
This girl told me I had the balls of an infant..I replied by saying her vagina looks like Stargate.
Who the hell brings a 6pack to a party. I'm trying to make mistakes.
just googled chastity belt to see if it really exist..
i made it my goal to pee in the sink of every apartment we went to last night. i didnt use the toilet once
you're in nursing school, now tell me what to do about a burned clit.
We're trying to see who can drink the most and still be eligible to donate blood tomorrow.
If she makes a move, pretend to have a seizure.
I have words... I can't think of them tho. they keep melting together and forming you and I just want to hump it.
I fell asleep after the worst sex of my life and now I'm snowed in with him. SEND HELP. CALL FEMA. GET ME OUT OF HERE.
Thank god for federal credentials. Waaaaayyyy to hungover to go through airport security lines right now.
What's the procedure for answering a booty call from someone under house arrest?
He told me that his greatest skill was making White Russians.
Randomize
