that's like riding a pigeon when you could fuck a bald eagle
I'm not 100% sure, but I think someone gave me a bath last night...
i regret nothing . he quoted dr. suess . he deserved that bj .
I truly don't know anything about sober relationships. Normally I would just drunkenly yell "sex?" in a guy's face. What do I do now? Be like, sooo uhhh, wanna do it? Awkward, and even worse, I will remember clearly just how awkward it was.
your brother is wearing shin guards in the swimming pool. i have a feeling that this happens often
because you can't take the autistic girl you're babysitting on a blunt ride.
For some reason I knew you were going to smell like strippers and burritos when I hugged you.
All I remember is that the bartender wouldn't give me scissors cuz I was too drunk
Decided in my tanked state last night purchase 2 weeks worth of xanax, so I can guess my way thru this week and finals. Soberly, I decided it would be a great way to test my knowledge of finance.
GUESS WHO GOT ABSOLUTELY WASTED LAST NIGHT AND SPENT AN HOUR RAMBLING ABOUT KRAFT DINNER, HOCKEY, AND THE LAST TEMPTATION OF CHRIST
He passed out in the car on the way to the party. Seabiscuit tripped before the race even started....Lil bitch....
Look, if I'm too lazy to put any effort into sexting, you better believe I'm too lazy to put any effort into dating.
Love these next 4 months. Wake up from a college football hangover and get to put your hand down your pants and watch NFL football all day.
There is resin on and IN the refrigerator. Its even on the food. My god, what happens to you?
As I walked across the lawn after the party got busted, an officer told me to chug my beer before I left the premises.
Randomize
