there is a homeless man oan crack poledancing on a fence... now hes humping it...
you know you should just kill yourself when you are helping your 16 year-old sister get ready for a date and you're going out to dinner with you parents..
just woke up with an anonymous loaf of bred in my bed and a piece in my mouth. this says alot about my life.
Watching this movie and saying "drink every time you see an animal" was a bad idea...circle of life...holy crap
make sure you eat your skittles last so when you barf you can barf RAINBOWS.
I'm glad you enjoy my eating disorder so much.
anyone who says 'i love you' and then followed by 'im going to call the cops if you touch me' doesnt really mean the first part fyi
I've hooked up with 3 different guys already this week...don't tell me I haven't been a productive member of society
I understand where he's coming from but I don't want this alcohol to revolve around relationship
Wait
Just stabbed myself in the face trying to lick melted cheese off a kitchen knife.
When the strippers start dancing to Christmas songs it's time to get the fuck out!
He cried & told me I reminded him off his mother. I don't want to talk about it. I want to drink about it.
i keep replaying things i did last night. and remembering new things. and its a constant cycle of torture
Dude, she stopped mid blow job to ask the cat's name. ADHD might be a deal breaker after all.
He stopped the gas pump at 69 and gave me my receipt. He wants it.
I just want a man in my bed on a regular basis, who cuddles, and who I can also occasionally hang out with outside of my bedroom. Is that too much to ask for?
Randomize
