Girl last night got so wet when I was going on down her it flooded up my nose. I nearly drown
I'm at my inlaws playing Scrabble. Go Fuck Yourself.
You stood up and started yelling"Free blow jobs!" because you thought people would like you more.
just gave a homeless man a kiss in exchange for two handles
exact location. now.
some girl that im facebook friends with has H1N1, im scared to even go to her facebook page
I jacked off with the cucumber and then made that fatass a salad.
I was just texting to see if your vagina was working yet.
That's a really weird place to spoon. Especially if there are more accessible places to spoon. Like a bathtub.
I think forcing your little sister to drink with you on a Wednesday when she has school the next day is the low point of alcoholism.
maybe volvos are so family friendly and safe because they're extremely uncomfortable to get fucked on.
I just baptized the girl next to me. LONG LIVE THE CHURCH OF VODKA
I'm not drinking with you for AT LEAST a day
40s are totally the cure
You need to be on (or possibly create) the international emoji committee to address all of these glaring oversights
Dad is celebrating turning 45 by being drunk in a department store before two o'clock.
Woah don't start going all boyfriend on me now, you're here for one thing and one thing only and that's sex, hot shameless sex.
Randomize
