fuck, i think i'm broken. Alchyhol air mattress = the suck.
You got so drunk you kept singing the Sailor Moon theme song and kept making everyone call you Sailor Venus.
Hey guys, just to let you know, I have a boyfriend...so that hookup was kind of a one time thing.
was that a mass text??
He tried to say the picture wasn't him. Like I'd forget his curved boner.
I have a spoon shaped bruise on my ass...
I showed remarkable dignity in such a compromising situation. Except I came off as sort of a blue ball giver.
THEY ARE MY AGE. THEY ARE YOUR LITTLE SISTER'S AGE THIS IS A DELICATE MATTER. CAPS LOCK
FYI the landlord called and plumbers will be tearing up the bathroom tomorrow. Apparently the tub is leaking into the apt below us so be sure to pee in the shower today.
He offered me a ride home but i walked. He lives by an elementary school so a 10 yr old safety officer helped me across the street during my walk of shame
Missing part of a tooth cos I tried to open a beer with my teeth, just saw a dude that looked like bill Cosby though so things are looking up
Is it sad that I have better conversations with his roommate before or after sex than I do with him in general?
I told him he deserved someone better...then I told him he looked very fuck-able wearing nothing but sweat pants. We'll break up in the morning.
While the bouncer was checking my purse, he found a bag of pasta noodles in it and asked me why I put them in my purse. I said to him: "So the guy knows I can cook."
I just asked her to come in through the window, this pretty much solidifies the whole fuck-buddy thing...
Would it be weird if I congratulated the guy who almost broke up my marriage for working on the marriage equality bill? You know, thanks for fighting for the sanctity of marriage. Weird, right?
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