you definitely held a convo with a hobo
we have a secret handshake
the #6 from wendy's when stoned is definitely better than sex. i dont care what anyone says.
sometimes I tug on my anal hairs for pleasure
you've officially gone too far. we are no longer friends
Last time I saw him the sun was coming up and he was asleep in the student wellness parking lot. For some reason people were peeing on him.
We're making herpes jokes very loudly and hoping she notices.
He was trying to be aggressive in bed, but in reality, it was like watching a declawed cat try to climb a curtain. They WANT it, they just can't DO it.
Seriously what kind of college town is this? Nobody parties during the week or abuses perscription drugs
The night went downhill when he lit her purse on fire and tried putting it out with vodka
I brought him flowers on my way home from cheating on him. Boyfriend of the year award right here.
He sent me a limp picture of his penis with the caption " same ol, same ol' I cant believe these are the type of guys I sleep with
You went over didnt you?
Because nothing screams stable like yelling at a guy in a bar because last time you hooked up he stole your underwear.
Dropped the bowl in the litter box. But it landed face up. What do I do?
I've spent my afternoon dipping strawberries in DayQuil if that's any indication of where I'm at in life.
Got 2 free lines of blow from some random guys on the side of 13th street.....how's your Sunday going?
Do not ever look at a picture of an erect ostrich penis. You will regret it.
Randomize
