The guy at the liquor store just checked my id and said "oh it's you"
he called you a drunk bob the builder and you proceeded to explain how you were going to build ramps throughout the house
A shower wasnt enough to wash off the shame but at least it took care off the blood.
I thought he wouldn't talk to me again. You know, what's that saying "why buy the cow when you can fuck it six hours after meeting"
I just spend twenty minutes scrubing the "Happy Birthday" off of my vagina. He's never gonna forget this.
if you ever get a chance to, fuck in a lecture hall. great acoustics. highly recommend it.
She has a tattoo on her inner thigh that's an x with a long dotted line. So after she passed out I signed it. Dunno what else I was supposed to do...
Um yeah. I just puked. And found your contact.
I'm just gonna get real fat and join the circus.
I just remember her dragging me inside in a panic saying we needed mentos and popcorn I have no fucking clue how we ended up asleep in her closet.
In other news it turns out I like Heineken.. In a desert island kind of way
I feel bad cuz I was his ride home, but I didn't know I was going to have a religious experience with a guy in a cookie monster t-shirt. You can't plan for that shit.
I sent him home with blood on his fingers and shame in his heart.
I should probably just LinkedIn request everyone I've ever slept with so they stop popping up on my suggested connections list
Bro I rebuilt the dungeon in animal crossing visit me
Broooo
Randomize
