I'm not a real person
I'm sorry, everyone knows that
I just had my first uncircumcised penis. I kept staring at it like the foreskin was going to fall off on its own.
what's not responsible about a pool full of beer?
I'm taking it from the chunk of pizza I just pulled out my hair that we ate pizza last night?
Truth be told I was googling "why is my left calf bigger than my right calf", porn would've been a better excuse for a virus.
BTW. If I show up really drunk and dressed a cowboy, don't be alarmed
Sooo the theme of my 21st is rapidly becoming Gay Mexico
I CAN'T DO THIS MUCH FABULOUS BEFORE LUNCHTIME
He looked like he was trying to woo a lady version of himself by playing goblin music on his guitar.
Listen here, Ms. "I'm Gonna Get Super Drunk and Run From My Friends Screaming That They Were Going to Drag Her to a Scientology Recruitment Camp"...
Question: have you ever spent your Tuesday evening helping your one-night-stand create a resume? Because I have...
I still can't believe a guy pooped in my backyard
Micheal let me call him captain america while we fucked. It was awesome
What the fuck were you guys talking about?
Lube wrestling.
Oh, makes sense.
I'm sorry, but the bed has won this battle. I got up, changed my shirt, combed my hair, put on some deodorant, and then looked at my bed and got back in
Randomize
