So you maybe wanna hang out again? I could use the $5
Whatever I can do to help stimulate the economy
If that was your dad, he is hot
she's like "i'm so proud of u" ... and then i threw up on myself
No, I didn't like him that much. But I took one for the team. And by the team I mean me and my vagina.
he keeps trying to sext me and all I can do is respond with descriptions of what im eating.
My mom and dad are smoking a joint while lecturing me on what to bring and how to act in Europe. I'll finish this glass of wine and head over.
I woke up to find my purse full of puke, and all I could think was not again.
Today is my 3 year wedding anniversary...and I've seen three different dicks.
He was pretty bad, I wanted pizza the whole time.
Tacos and sex are way better than any anti depressant pill ever was. I think I made a medical discovery here.
worse hangover than the time you almost threw up in a plant in front of your daycare kids?
...I don't remember telling you about that but yes
A friendship for the ages born on how horny we both are
Had a dream last night that we survived the apocalypse. And we celebrated Christmas.
What did I get you?
A 12 gauge and a bottle of vodka that was waist high.
Sounds about right
he told me he wanted me to go see his cat. apparently i was more interested in playing with his cat then having sex.
Apparently I told the mayor I want to be a trophy wife
Randomize
