yea and when she crawled to her room she yelled at a bookbag to "get the fuck out my way"
even my worst enemy doesn't deserve a bush like that
He has a chalkboard tally in his bathroom of "Me vs. Toilet". He's losing.
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but my underwear and it was on backwards and my entire body is too sore to move...
Im glad someone is finally more of a drunken slut than I am.
you dragged me by my throat over to the shots. this is a new level of alcoholism..
thanks for being my moral compass. and thanks for not always pointing north so i can be slutty and not feel bad about it.
That's the last time you suggest we can get our tab wiped by out-drinking the bartender.
It was my card, so what do you care that you lost?
Is your card paying for my plan b?
If she's steering anything, it's a religious boat of crazy. Destination: Iceberg.
These are your "grown up" slampiece's new hours of operation; please plan accordingly
I specialize in how to hang out and party with randoms after you've hooked up with them. Not in feelings.
Our music was glorious. Maidens were deflowered to the sound of my voice.
the kid next to me in math class is drawing gay porn. it's good, but that is beside the point
I just saw a guy in a hazmat suit riding a tractor.
I've been rehabbing my soul with cheese and wine lately
I love when Facebook suggests people I may know. Well, yeah, I know him. He's my drug dealer. Pretty sure I want to keep that relationship strictly professional.
Randomize
