he pissed his pants, and she still wants to hook me up with him. I try not to date guys with bladder control problems... Unless they're loaded anyway.
there hasn't been a girl guy ratio this good since a guy jumped on one of the Titanic life rafts
if only i could text you this smell
i just yelled "run, its godzirra!" to an asian kid who looked confused by the tornado alarm test
no, i dont want the owner to like me bc i dedazzled my vagina
Yo, if someone calls you asking for John Stamos, just go with it.
Somehow I managed to make my Dunkin Donuts uniform look slutty. And I'm not even wearing hoops.
Appropriately today was the first time I've ever GTL'd. I can't believe I made fun of this,it's rather relaxing.
I just had to tell her that no she really doesnt need to sneak pizza from mcmurrays out in a plastic bag for me later
Would it be a good deed to leave a 32 pack of bud light next to a bum sleeping in the park?
She told me to pick her up in the corner of shame and self-disgust.
For the first time in my 26 years of life, I'm washing jizz out of my ponytail.... High five yourself later.
I don't think anything is more terrifying than the thought that you might shit your pants in front of your boss
if you go to jail tonight, call call me. i wanna get out of work
I just wanna be naked and go frolic in the snow
Randomize
