Also do the "tongue the pee-hole" thing.
I didn't realize he wasn't circumcised... it looked like the Unibomber...
Im sitting next to shitfaced santa at the cuse game. My plan to be on television is now flawless
So he didn't pull out. And I like flipped out. And the he told me to chill and opened up a drawer full of packs of Plan B and handed me one.......
I just couldn't help myself when there was a FOUNTAIN OF SHOTS
I was walking around the party holding a dog on my shoulder like it was a parrot
They have a house rule that you get a composite for every 5 guys you sleep with. Where should I hang my new one?
I just realized now that you're pregnant we can't use alcohol as currency
GETTING HORNY AT RANDOM IS REALLY FUCKING INCONSIDERATE.
He was like, I wanna take it slow. I took off my bra And I was like, either we have sex now or you get out.
It was a blind-side dick pic.
This bowl is so big, I just said out loud, "I'm going to die here" as I blew smoke out the cat door. Merry fucking Christmas.
I had to google some of the kinky sex shit she was telling me she was into.
If that is not a reason to propose to her then I don't know what is
I'll be perfectly honest; there are times other guys have consented to have sex with me because of my punctuation.
You came into the club around midnight with a carton of tropicana o.j. & said you were starting a revolution.
Randomize
