Defrosting my mini wheats in the microwave was a bad choice
I wish Denzel Washington would coach my flip cup team..
I know she was blacked out, but she looked directly at the toilet and said "we meet again"
I expected to wake up with a sext of you posing nude and all I got was a missed call.....disappointed.
I'm sorry I think it was because I lost a chicken nugget in my purse and that's all that was on my mind until 4am
I asked you if you needed a ride and you kept saying "no, my name is katelyn"
May or may not have just lost a contact hanging out Anthony's sunroof. Drunk. Hint: I can only see out of one eye right now.
blowjobs from left handed girls are noticably better than from righties. these are the most important things I've learned this semester
Its mothers day, andI woke up with 12 bar stamps on my face, holding orange juice and a box of tampons. This can not be happening
Then, right before he came he said "I want to buy you so many things!" What the fuck?!
Ah. Hot spring. Infinitely less skeevy than a hot tub. These North Carolinian dudes are all class.
Well yeah. Plus. My dick looks awful. So I would need to do some extreme makeover dick edition before even starting something so ridiculous.
Welp... sober this am and I still have a parrot.
I was gonna jerk off, but then I thought about that movie last night and it killed that idea. I have serious boner trauma.
I LinkedIn messaged people about jobs when I was blacked out
I really don't think my body can handle another night of drinking
Lol you talk like you have a choice
I am worried that I am gonna die before the weekend is over
Randomize
