I have so many mobile devices now, I only use my laptop for porn.
I have one thing to say: spongebath.
I wish that wasn't all you had to say. And by that, I mean I wish you hadn't said that at all.
Maybe if you date her you can take a dump on her
i'm having a wet tshirt contest with myself and yet i'm still losing
dude stop sending me pictures of your dick in weird places. i get it. you rock out with your cock out.
11am puke and rally. THIS is what I'm gonna miss about college.
her face looked like how i feel after Taco Bell
My birthday was already very memorable but her punching me in the face put it over the top. I love being 25 and still not giving a fuck.
I don't know what that means. But if you take off your pants, you'll probably get arrested.
Also, beer. Big fan.
No he's great. He's trying to do "sexy stuff" for me now, which is pretty hilarious. He stirred my daiquiri with his penis last night. He also tied a bouquet of flowers around it.
The squirrels are partying on my roof again. Now they're just rubbing it in that I'm home alone on a Saturday night and they're having orgies.
No dude, he just dipped his cigarette info ranch dressing and lit it. He's said he normally doesn't do that but it's Memorial Day.
My boss followed me on Twitter. Excuse me while I delete 90% of my tweets
thats all i want out of life, to get high and watch weiner dog races
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