also, made friends with this 75 year old millionaire Tony who likes to mosh. Don't ask.
accomplished twins. life is a go
Yeah, the furnace guy just pulled out 4 empty and 1 full beer bottle from the vent. You are no longer allowed over.
Just pooped at the strip club. NOT NORMAL . I may be a little too comfortable here.
My roommate is trying to suck beer out of the rug.
Just used "I used to work as an inflatable toy operator" as a pick up line. Freshman frenzy is great...
it's a drink the shower water kind of morning ...
I've been randomly kik messaging bearded men I find on Instagram while sitting unshowered in my underpants. I'm like the girl version of a creepy uncle.
He left his phone. Turns out he;s been sexting with some girls who can't spell. Time to break out the herpes scare.
If you find my purse on your yacht please call me - girl you slept with after yacht party
You're just a heartbreaker with a knitting problem
i'm pretty sure you can't sue someone for "Taking a shit on my kitchen floor."
Obviously last night's theme was "Let's Make Bad Life Choices"
OMG WE ARE UP TO THREE MINORS WORKING HERE. I AM NOT READY FOR THIS MID LIFE CRISIS.
Sorry. I was preoccupied thinking about penises
Randomize
