I bought a bottle of 100 proof for the storm. I am going to drink until I pass out. I'm taking bets. 1:30 pm is the over/under.
dude you cant keep breaking into my house just to raid my fridge.. especially at 3AM.
Any night you end up on the couch next to the trash can with a bag of white wine on your head is a rough night.
I don't think my prof knows we've noticed her No Bra Fridays.
I am currently exfoliating my skin with the toilet. We've never been so close.
I dislocated my rib eating pizza. I think I am broken.
if i'm ever face-down on the ground puking again, promise me you won't try to braid my hair?
First of all guys don't have walks of shame. Secondly there is nothing more epic than riding the skytrain in a toga while everyone else is going to work
I'm super stoned watching the vatican smoke cam. Come over.
Mom kept me on a leash as a kid, did you know this?
When she went in the beer store I got to hold it.
My hand smells like rave and peanut butter.
Roomies told me I showed up to my house alone with no pants on and burrs in my hair... I live in the middle of the city
Do you remember standing up at 3 in the morning and asking me if I was counting to six?
Basically, I am an endless fountain of unconvential sexual experiences and knowledge.
Oh and it’s been a year according to my snap chat memories since I banged your cousin in your sons truck pulled over on Elm St! 😂😂😂😬😳😇
Randomize
