I think men at large are the problem in most or all relationships. It's like trying to drag a three-legged retarded puppy through an obstacle course
Is it just me or do I always seem to have cum in my bellybutton?
i just made mint juleps with bourbon and fresh breath strips. i am the macgyver of alcohol.
Miserable. My projectile vomit just woke me up from a 5.5 hour nap.
sudden memory flashback: you and i having sex on the bed, erin sitting naked in your desk chair drinking whiskey straight from the bottle while harassing you for your computer password to play some "mood music." high five. go us.
This could help me cancel out guys. First 4 that text me get to stay in the loop. And the last one gets the boot. We'll do this til there's only one man standing
First if all, whoever designed penis shaped ice cubes is clearly daring me to shove them up my vagina
Tipped our cab with a photo booth pic of us, a paper dollar, a dollar in quarters, a crest white strip. And a tanning pass valid in boston
we're going to the olympic park to run the 100m yeaaaahhh
it's 3am. Nothing could possibly go wrong here.
I was going to learn how to knit but I got high instead.
but dude how did I get so drunk?
Pretty sure it happened right after you poured a shot of Wild Turkey into your Budweiser, chugged it, and screamed "I. NEVER. BACK. DOWN!"
Whenever a guy asks me why I like weird sex stuff, I just answer, "Catholic School".
You have my heart. You only share my vagina.
i don't think the phrases "so shitty" & "taking care of my newborn" should be combined in the same sentence. leave it to her to make it possible eh?
Drunk me made cabbage burritos at 1am after going to hustler hollywood.\nI bought socks. Lol
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