Fine. I'll sleep in my office
Maury Povich's contact info is in our database at work...i should steal it right?
he even offered to make my bed in the morning.
well the first picture of me in 2011 involves a viking helmet and chugging champagne. i like this year already.
I just bought condoms at Big Lots. please save this text so you can laugh at me in 9 months
Just put my hand under my pillow and found a peach ring. Lat night just came rushing back.
oh no, don't get me wrong.. she IS really pretty. If you are in to horses or Sarah Jessica Parker.
In anticipation of No Judgement Tuesday, I believe a Can We LOL At What We Did Last Night Saturday is in order
Im tired as fuck but i cant leave him here like this i gave him the acid and i feel the responsibillity to put his mind back together its fun im an architect about to about to construct a whole new belief and moral system inside this soul. Talk about the best psychothearpy
She thinks I should try and corrupt him and take his virginity. While I do love virgins, I'm a little too lazy to put in the corruption effort right now. That's a summer kinda job.
I'm so high that I'm intently watching my neighbor move his car back and forth in order to put his motorcycle in the garage, and getting irritated that it seems so complicated.
Sometimes I feel like I should become a beautician purely for my ability to shave pretty shapes into my pubic hair.
You go to bars with sophisticated older men, I steal lawn ornaments. Priorities
Whoops. I'm a horrible gf, I dropped the "I'm looking for jobs in a different city" bomb before I wished him a happy anniversary
I once went to target high on hydrocodone. I assure you, they can handle unrespectable.
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