Today I realized that I've had whole drunk relationships with people. And sober me has and wants no part in it.
I had sex with billy mayes last night. HE KEPT IN CHARACTER THE WHOLE TIME.
the russians are downstairs with the vodka loudly proclaiming happy birthday america. i don't care if it's the fourth, i care that it's 9 am and they woke me up.
The guy in the next stall screamed courtesy flush and then puked. Bless you Vegas
My last google search was 'bulk asian wives' I don't know either
If you would give me the chance we might have the two separate pieces of the greatest fuck puzzle ever.
I'm not as easy in Europe as I am in the US
Only because you can wipe your slut slate clean & start anew. It's a little known benefit of our currency exchange.
YOU WERE HAVING SEX IN THE SAME BED I WAS SLEEPING IN. AND YOU GRABBED MY HAIR. OF COURSE I'M PISSED.
There are a bunch of highly educated, advanced in their field, PUSSY ASS BITCHES in this bar
He talked to you for like two seconds while you were shit faced doing Forest Gump impressions...how is that possible?
It'll be a romanticized airport meeting until I'm judged for sitting on his face in the terminal
I got drunk by myself and ended up listening to Beethoven in the dark.
Where does drinking Flat, warm beer from two days ago rank of the No Fucks Given scale?
I'm disgusted with myself. Who goes down on their Uber driver? This asshole
Took an adderall for the first time in a few weeks. Spent 45 minutes peeling an orange TO PERFECTION.
Randomize
