you started whispering 'the itsy bitsy spider' while you were putting your hands up my shorts.
Googled "can you put dry ice in your drink?" I'm safee
Birthday Coupon: This text is good for alteast 3 hours of Birthday Sex. Redeamable any time, anywhere, and any style.
When you started Hi-fiving people I knew u were fucking gone. You slapped some dude on the shoulder when he wouldn't hi-five you and he asked if he even knew you
Finally put clothes on I've been laying naked in the bed for approximately 4 hours since I showered and by showered I mean when I laid down in the bathtub with the shower on
Incoming: this is a booty call. To accept, please reply with an appropriate time. To reject, please reply "N" and the information will be filed for future reference.
also dude totally apologize for the whole drunken "want something in my mouth" text
He has been feeding me cheesecake and candy for breakfast. Naked. For three days. How am I ever going to leave????
We also had a full on debate about how realistic and useful teleportation and time travel would be...and only used Twilight Zone episodes as "scientific evidence"
if it looks like there's being an exorcism being performed you know your doing something right.
the girl whose rug I peed on is here
I looked so sad that Jessica gave me a bar of soap. So that's where I'm at.
What is the acceptable way to offer a trade of sex for a few hours of body heat?
nothing like a long car ride to make you think of all the bad things you've done
I woke up with your bra on, and some guys boxers. I'm in a random truck, in the middle of nowhere...
Randomize
