he just said he'd buy the porn
its a step up from the last guy
never trust anyone who drives a pt cruiser.... write that down
I'm having one of those days where I just want to lay in bed and beat off all day
My warmest regards to the fish in that koi pond I puked in.
Besides. I seriously had a dream that George W Bush came over and slapped some tabs down on my kitchen counter and said "let's get juiced.". It was a sign to not get too fucked up
And everyone was looking at me because it was cold and I was drunk and may have screamed "oh fuck" ... You know what, fuck that. What do people think they're getting at Denny's 2 in the morning
He looks like he was the one that always had koolaid stains around his mouth as a kid, he can fuck off.
WHY WOULD YOU SWIPE RIGHT???!!!!!
The same reason I ordered and ate almost an entire pizza last night
Shout out to my liver for being the true MVP. It easily put in more work than LeBron or Curry this week.
I figured you were on something. You're way too happy right now to be sober
My dad told me I would need to be my mom's DD tonight. So, that's how my Easter weekend is going down.
He has a syndrome called asshole. And it flares up 24/7.
THEY'RE HAVING SEX ON A HORSE AND THE HORSE DOESN'T EVEN CARE.
Hey Girl, we got home safe!
I know, I drove you
I mean, who hasn’t been fingered in there back of an Uber?
Randomize
