What are you talking about? And how drunk are you?
Both
Wasted at the beach. Toasting underage, overdeveloped girls. God bless 'em.
Dude I just figured out the mystery flavor of airhead is vodka sprite, no way i'm wrong
So I tried to call my phone from his phone and was like, "hey, my name is not in here..I thought you had my number" turns out he has my number saved as "gives good head"
He said I was the smartest girl he had ever dated, that should have been a sign from the beginning
I'd like to personally thank you for not letting anyone puke in any of the salad bowls this time
She's trying to figure out what kind of dinosaur I am... Yay codeine.
They should have to wear some identification that warns you to stay away. Like one of those cones dogs wear to keep them from biting stitches. CONE OF SHAME.
she's like the billy mays of hookups...touch my boobs and i'll throw in this blow job ABSOLUTELY FREE
I don't text first unless I'm hammered...so ya I text first a lot
No more co-pays for contraceptives. Whoever says Obama is a bad guy has clearly never had a pregnancy scare.
There's jello in my purse I have a mysterious glow stick and didn't sleep with anyone my god I'm 3 for 3 tonight
probably one of the worst weekends ever... i got peed on by his sleepwalking roommate.
Chick in the reindeer getup puked on Baby Jesus last night. But then she bought us all empanadas so she's cool.
QUICK FAX ME THE BALL
Not how faxing works at all btw
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