dude wtf did we explode in my microwave last night?
idk but i think it had a face
I want my own midget army. I think I would be a good midget army leader.
she said she could "feel the heat of my groin" against her. ruined the whole fucking moment.
also I just used a straw to drink the juice out of a tomato b/c I forgot how to bite.
Think worst case scenario and then dress sluttier
He just told me that he goes squirrel hunting. NO LONGER BANGABLE.
Tip of the day: Don't ever send a bootycxall at 3 in aftnoon. No one will respond n u'll just feel fooolish.
He never gives up. He's like the fucking little engine that could of hook ups
it's like if youve been living with the grinch for 15 yrs and then santa shows up with a big gift begging to fuck the christmas spirit back into you. no one can say no to santa.
I pretty much told him I was too sober for this an just walked away and all I heard was "IT'S BECAUSE IM A BAD KISSER ISN'T IT" OVER AND OVER AGAIN
So we stayed at his mom's and all got drunk and he and I hooked up in his old bedroom. Then his drunk mom came in and tackled us when we were still naked. Why does this keep happening to me?
I'm hoarding IKEA meatballs in my purse
Is it ironic that our divorce court is a block from where we had our reception? Or is it just sad? Alanis has confused my understanding of irony.
You were so drunk you told some dude your life story in one short sentence... and kissed his fiancé. You're invited to the wedding.
Emergency thong? Check! Suspension bondage is a go!
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