I boned her and wore a Freddy mask once. It was pretty lol
We should be called the Road Head Warriors
Her parents came home early, i had to hug her mom with a condom on...
She volunteers at a homeless shelter. You volunteered to drink 7 day expired milk for $3. No chance. Give up.
Dude, you face planted, there was no "bar fight".
on a scale of 1 to 'no sex' how busy are you this week?
They don't even know who I am but they just woke me up with maracas and invited my boobs to a kegger
...You tried to use your wallet to call her after you gave your cell phone to the cab driver as a "peace offering"
THE PRUIS IN YOUR DRIVEWAY IS NOT YOURS
excuse me?
I accidentally borrowed your spare keys a while ago...i just tried them...that, my friend, is not your car.
Take off your clothes and see if he wants to have sex, that's a good way to find out
I love you with the passion of a thousand FUCKBOYS during the height of week 1 texting
MY LIFE IS A TRAINWRECK THATS ON FIRE BUT SOMEHOW STILL MOVING, I HAVE THE RIGHT TO SCREAM OUTSIDE AT 2AM
I swear I get as excited about the sound of a condom wrapper as my cat gets when she's getting a can of food.
I'm seriously considering starting a savings account so I'll have bail money this summer.
I should not have moved in with him. He's got porn stashed everywhere like a homosexual squirrel.
You love porn!
Not in the sugar bowl when I'm making my Mom coffee I don't.
Randomize
