This fat girl in front of me just got on the bus to go 2 blocks. Do you think she ever wonders why shes fat?
just because you dressed up as a brontosaurus doesn't mean you can poop in my yard and roar at my neighbors
So there is a chick dressed up in a vagina costume handing out free condoms next to the dude handing out free Bibles and preaching about sin. I love college.
I told you not to have sex with her on my futon
I didnt dude, i swear!
either that or you were eating mayo, which was the second thing i told you not to do on my futon
three guys just busted into my bio lecture, yelled "happy st. patrick's day!", downed jagerbombs, and left.
It was unlikely that the relationship was going to end with anything other than antibiotics.
it was like having sex with a tree stump
How do you say "I'm not pregnant in Spanish?"
I woke up naked on the bathroom floor. the tile grout marks on my boobs hurt, i mananged to use a roll toilet paper as a pillow. never again. did we eat salad?
Or they can chase TEQUILA shots with it. I don't know why my phone capitalizes TEQUILA.
I had lunch with him today and quietly mourned his wasted good looks on such a disappointing set of genitals.
Was she always missing a tooth or am I just now noticing it?
Strange request but for my birthday you should get me one of those vibrators that you can plug into your iPod that go along with the music.
40s are totally the cure
There's just something so liberating about drinking a beer with no pants on
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