I just fell asleep with a sandwich in my mouth at Cosi..people definitely saw
Do you realize we just stole 12 dollars worth of quarters each from the office petty cash just to get manicures? New high or New Low?
Maybe i shouldn't have told him the key to getting in my pants was double vodka sodas and Nelly's song "grillz."
Just looked in the mirror and i look like ive been gang banged. Im so proud of my boyfriend it almost hurts
The liquor store manager told us to drink responsible as we checked out and we laughed to his face. Like we're buying karkov at noon, responsibility is out of the question
The TA leading my study session just said "now get outta here. I need to get drunk before class"
Fyi: beer caps are stronger then bathroom counters
What am I doing with my life
Sleeping with dudes who have peacocks apparently.
I hate vagina strikes, but I must not stray from my path. My boyfriend will know the true meaning of blue balls.
What's sexier than showing up smelling like fast food cigarettes with a jar of moonshine in your hand
What happened to fro yo and sex?
I was basically just fingering myself and thinking about space.
I don't need romance, I need cheese sticks
At least your wife cheated on you. Women will feel bad for you. In a month there will boy bands that are jealous of your dick
I remember is someone saying "I smell weed" and then having a room full of sober high school kids look at me.
Randomize
