I've decided to sign up for a porn membership, but it's 10:30 and I'm going to wait an hour an a half because I don't want to waste a whole day of my month long membership. Fuck this economy.
I think my goal in life now is to be a Trending topic on Twitter after I die.
So the answer to your question is yes, I was masturbating on the roof of my building.
Im sweating champagne and woke up in nothing but a tuxedo jacket. What didnt go wrong last night?
i'm not accepting baked goods from anyone for awhile. especially after the stalker pie.
i decided i'll just settle for a gay guy who can manage to fuck me like the straight guys do. but here i go again, talking about my dream man.
A little light bondage fun never hurt anybody (erotic asphyxiation excluded). Car batteries attached to reproductive organs have.
I feel like the devil slapped me in the face with his dick.
Birthday success
P.S. I just made up pleasure scepter for the purpose of that last message.
Ya. My thumbs are those buffalo's, but my legs are spirits and my torso is that Indian guys and my head is the eagle
Went to go look for a friend that was missing since 3am, found her passed out in the hallway of the apartment, guessing it was a good night
They walked into the house to see me in my neon pink knee high socks trying to pull you out of the cat carrier by your legs...
Sorry I drunk. I wouldn’t eat those pancakes. I think I put glitter in them.
It was funny for a while but 3 days later I still can't walk and I've constructed a diaper-like contraption to hold the ice pack on my vagina.
You had blacked out Skype sex? Wow we live in the future
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