Goodbye hot boy in my geo class...goodbye my lover, goodbye my friend. you have been the one, you have been the reason I came to claassss
shes on the floor puking and texting simultaneously.
Is there a zoo near here? I need to see some penguins like right now..
I am not bailing you of of jail
You know what is really helpful - when the two guys you want to fuck stand next to each other. Stay tuned for who wins
my roommate just showed up covered in dirt, drunk....with a whole ice cream cake that says "it's a girl".
Welcome to drink and talk like a Russian afternoon.
Pirate drinking day will be planned for shortly
I approve this so hard.
Dude, I came home and you were passed out halfway through the front door in your Minnie Mouse outfit... with a beer still in hand
Besides you're a Tennessee fan and it'd be against my religion to have your penis inside me today.
What's the polite way to tell someone she's a grown ass woman and she needs to start acting like it.
Broke my ankle and blacked out on my scooter last night. 'Twas grand.
I think i just made eye contact with his roommate... while doing reverse cowgirl. Yup i have no shamee
Also I know now I was meant to be a comedian. Had both arresting officers laughing.
sometimes i forget what nice tits i have and then i spend a month brushing my teeth naked in the front of the bathroom mirror, and i remember.
If I get really high and watch Beauty and The Beast on our Netflx account, will you judge me?
Only if you start before I get home!
you need to drop off my dinner before you go see him because i'm not gonna wait until you're finished fucking him to get my damn chinese food
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