I KNOW you don't honestly think you can pay me back in lotto tickets.
beer pong: waldo and ernie vs. bacon and eggs... i love halloween
so this guy comes in from the patio covered in puke and says "we gotta go"...Yup u need to go is an understatement
Last night the nurse at the ER told me that she wished all her drunk patients were like me. Then she commented on my socks...
story update. I'm locked out of my house. Walk of shame advisory extended...
I drunkenly asked a stripper to join our volleyball team.
Do you relize what downtown will be like this week? Like open season. But instead of deer its hot baseball players from all over the country that we'll never have to see again. I swear the college world series is a gift from god.
Dude I walked in to my house just to be handed a bottle of vodka by my sister. She then said i had 15 minutes to finish it. Moving into my parents place is the best choice I have made this year.
Whoever owns the butter that i always steal out of the office fridge definitely put THC butter in there this time. Shit just got real.
Dude... You called me at 3am to tell me you still had your pants.
No you don't understand. This tree is really alive. Like in Pocahontas.
Oh hell no my vagina is on that screenshot
I honestly just wanna put my face in her tits and disappear from this plane of existence
We lost a person.... if you see a man in yellow shorts and nothing else walking around let me know...
thanks for supporting my whoreish tendencies
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