I just caught myself dancing like an old lady in the shower. Have I reached the age where booty dancing stops and swaying of the upper body begins?
I jacked off with the cucumber and then made that fatass a salad.
she reminds me of the kind of girl who'd fuck in church if you asked. I can dig it.
Idk, it's Grover wearing a sombrero. Do I need a reason?
Some dude gave me a questioning look as I came out of the women's toilet. I just responded 'blowjob' and he understood, then shook my hand.
She said I came to for a minute, shouted IHOP!! and then shook my head and said no before passing out again
I love our strategizing... I wish we used the same passion for planning our lives and future that we use for planning our drunken escapades... We would both be doctors by now, I swear
Thanks for getting me stoned. My manager started quizzing me about the menu and I struggled until he asked me to describe the tortilla soup. I said "tasty"
Nothing like snapchatring dick pics to a\nMarried woman while your girlfriend destroys Taco Bell in the next room. Almost caught, worth it. Got boobs back
I'm over my straight phase. They all turned out to be idiots and none of them got me off. I'm going back to hot girls with strap ons.
i'm just really offended he didn't want to have breakup sex. like that was the only thing i was really looking forward to
You start to question your party girl tendencies when you're wearing the same shirt you wore the night before to work and you're trying to get last nights Jell-O shot off the sleeve on your way to work
Came home to butt plugs and dildos in the bathroom sink WTF
Spring cleaning
I'm at forever 21 and someone pooped in the dressing room.
tonight's safe word is brought to you by the phrase "Ahhhhhh"
Randomize
