I think I'm going to start texting all the people that don't want to talk to me
Judging by my dry clothes and wet sheets, I think I might have gotten out of bed, pissed ON it, covered it up, and passed out on top of it
That's true. There's really no bad time to take a Vicodin.
It is the Reeses peanut butter cup of pharmaceuticals.
I heard liver failure is in for 2012 anyways
I need to stop ravaging the freshman dorm like a virginity-snatching dragon.
You blacked out and then went around stealing other peoples phones and leaving yourself voicemails
I got two from random numbers, the first was me and said "Don't forget you murdered Josh in Wii Bowling"
The second Jenn said "You are ridiculously smart for drunk dialing yourself"
we're the same shoe size and he owns more pairs of heels than i do. this could be the beginning of a beautiful friendship
After I was kicked out of the last frat I blacked out, woke up in the hospital with no clothes no phone and no idea what happened last night. But i got hospital socks, thats a win in my book.
That's like doing a cinnamon challenge in my vag - but more painful.
And then the night went full on bisexual.
Where does drinking Flat, warm beer from two days ago rank of the No Fucks Given scale?
I can't find my keys and there's a hotdog in my purse.
I think him and kristen are pretty serious now.. I dont think he cheats on her, anymore.
I need my comforter. Pls bring it to me and drape me in it like an animal pelt. Ps I'm naked.
Bro, I live in a constant state of existential dread and moderate ennui. The prospect of cosmic horror doesn’t faze me that much.
Randomize
