i had a dream that i had so much marijuana that i didn't know what to do with it. i woke up and cried.
okay so i know you are missing your wallet but at least its not your tooth. i am missing my tooth.
I may have broken a few toes and my face hurts. I do know that I pissed the bed so at least I've got some closure there
I'll have you know that I'm still picking duct tape residue off my wrist from sunday
If it goes near your penis, it should not go near the Hawks.
There's a website where you can order a pile of horse shit to be dropped on a persons doorstep. So that's another option.
Just discovered evidence of drunken eBay bid. Drunk Mike did pretty good -- I'm getting a new sleeping bag.
He posted a picture from Senor Frogs. I don't remember where that bikini came from and my sombrero is PERPENDICULAR. Safe to say it was one hell of a day
i just looked at those "hey" messages and i was so confused and then i remembered we were practicing texting with our tongues.
Just got referred to as "the girl from Tuesday night" at the Taco Bell drive thru...what happened on my birthday?!
Holy shit my cat won't leave the lube alone
Everything is a learning experience. Last night we learned why I'm not allowed to bring guys home from the bar....
Just set the kids up with doughnuts downstairs so I could go up and masturbate uninterrupted. I am such a good mom.
He asked me how many starwars references he could make before i no longer find him attractive.
How high do u want to get? Just kind of high or yelling at swans high...
Swans
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