i'm so bored i'm watching porn for fun. not even jacking off or anything. just watching.
I went golfing for the first time today!! Aren't you proud?
Driving a golf cart around all day with a keg attatched to the back doesn't exactly count as golfing
Thanks for sticking it out with old horseface last night... I owe you one buddy.
i think i made a good impression on his friends wen i survived 55 cup beer pong
I'm not sure, 7-8, the last bit was a rush of at least three blended together. Basically you fucked me so stupid that I can't even recall the number of orgasms.
So you know, I'm making that my facebook status.
Basically, what i'm trying to say is, if you don't have something, excuse or gift, to satisfy my anger i am going to look you in the eye and piss on the floor.
I came back and almost ran over two people passed out in my driveway I've never met before in my life
I definitely think in addition to buying paint ball guns this summer we should invest in a breathalyzer. That way every drunk night turns into a competition, who can blow over the legal limit more. The loser gets shot while hungover. Shit goes hand in hand if you ask me.
Hey you remember last Super Bowl when I sent you a pic of my testicles? Memories...
I vaguely remember making out with some dude. Please tell me he had all of his teeth.
Just wiped the ashes off my forehead before he came over to have sex. Definitely going to hell.
Your face; I've seen enough of it for today. Go away now please.
Hold on I'll be right there, I can't find my arm.
your marriage is hazardous to my nightlife
yea, mine too.
Um. I just realized I still have a beer in my purse from last night. I'm at work. I am so classy.
Randomize
