i may not always bang 16 year olds but when i do, i prefer hot ones
Can't wait to go see my drug dealers baby being born. He rolled all of the "it's a boy" cigars into blunts.
I just made Jack Daniels snow cones.
You can come over, sure. But I'll be watching college hockey during the blow job.
How did I end up in the pool?!
Welcome to ASU
My weekend will be all about the double d's, desert & debauchery
Is it possible to just pretend that everything we did after grilling up your goldfish didn't happen?
I'm sending you the three minute video I jus took,....it's of me eating a pear up close
Gas station champagne. And before you say anything I'll have you know it's imported. From California. So get fucked.
Happy meals everywhere. I think Ronald McDonald Claus visited.
lets talk about you, dubstep, and a bunny suit.
Be my booze princess bebe. I'll rescue you from the lame tidings you are confined to up in the sober castle.
She tried to gratify me left handed. Let's just say I've been placed on the 15 day DL.
My pants are on and I'm pretty sure I tried to throw them at someone.
I'm out of milk so I'm dunking my Oreos in Bailey's; this is my life now.
Randomize
