He left an unopened 12 pack of beer by my bed. I guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex..
I just noticed that my shirt smells like coffee after eating out a Barista
I've decided the third guy that I slept with is who I lost my virginity to...
Did everyone make it back alive?
You say that with such hope.
Is that a no?
Did you get the "i have a yeast infection from that wet frat bathroom floor" text?
ALSO, bringing a stapler to the bar is a good idea
finally remembered how I know that chick in my history class. she made and fed me ramen when I was wasted!
I ordered a million chicken go wraps and they gave me five. Even when im drunk I can count to a million and know its not five. They fucked me.
i stole nothing, broke nothing, and stabbed nothing. aren't you proud of me?
Some guy is here using a taser on people. I'm up next
So, if you were also having sex around 11pm, then we were legitimately being penetrated at the exact same time. That is amazing. We are soul sisters.
Man, it's really obvious that I was either handcuffed or tied up last night. Either way, not something you'd want coworkers knowing.
if you didn't cry because you couldn't find me and then pee your bed, your wingman status would totally be revoked for leaving me at that party.
All I remember is me taking my automatic nerf gun getting on top of him and saying..."look whos in control now!"
I totally fucked your pastor last night.
You're his wife.
Still a dirty get down.
Randomize
