So I don't have any furniture but we just skateboard drunk around the floor.
wow... just woke up to find out that the OJ we used in my bong last night was poured back into the carton
there are seriously like six guinea pigs in my bathtub right now
I'm more picky about my flip flops than the guys I sleep with
The freshman sure do fuck up the whataburger line at 2am
To say the least, now you know you're a proper lady, passing a field sobriety test in heels...
I think I am calling out of work due to a hangover. I'm 96% sure there ISN'T tampon stuck inside me.
I threw up in my room. And I cleaned it up with a spatula.
He had Homeward Bound on VHS how was I supposed to not fuck him
I just wish the first erections of my life didn't take place at a dentists office but hey whatever I turned out alright
i am craving dick and cupcakes
he drove over two hours to fuck me and came in 3 minutes. he got mad when I asked him if it was worth it...
Our love of vodka is more proof than a maternity test
Just because you can't have him, doesn't mean you can have his brother.
What about the best friend?
My FIANCE just told me he thought you were the prettiest out of all my friends YOU WHORE
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