She is making me post-sex grilled cheese at 2 am wearing only shorts and cowboy boots. I am so in love
Anyone who says sunshine brings happyness has never woken up with the worst hangover of their life to their window being open and it being a bright shinny day
Well at least he stopped keeping track of money by bottles of McCormick.
On my way home I stopped at target and bought beer and galoshes. I am a planner.
I need a pic of your cock for our cock collage
You better be coming back...your date is passed out in a shrub in my backyard and I'm pretty sure her shirt is on my kitchen floor
Also, not pregnant! Way to go uterus! Good job on being a team player!
I'm ordering a large vanilla ice cream with rainbow sprinkles so when I vom tonight it will look like lisa frank dolphins in acid trip colors
I'm just a little drunk right now and I have to work at 3
Omg sara
I ran out of milk and it's hot and I was thirsty
You told the cop you where the star of the Track team and tried to run away. So yeah, i'm not surprised.
I dont' remember leaving St. Cloud, getting home, or apparently directing traffic in the middle of the fucking street while black out drunk.
idk wtf was in that bud but I was talking to my dead dog last night bro holy shit
I'm drunk filing my taxes in a bar on a Monday afternoon in a Regular Show onesie. I think I'm starting to get the hang of this whole adult thing.
Literally the fucking master of salvaging the possibility of a blow job whilst also crushing somebody's dreams.
Last night when I blacked out, I ate Chef Boyardee. I never want to be that drunk ever, ever again.
Randomize
