okay serious question, the water is shut off in your house, do you attempt and use the clean toilet water for your new bong?
the entire lecture hall sighed when the prof announced that there will be an exam on 4/20
this chick on a show just showed her boobs and let some guy paint them others asked why she did it and her reply i quote "i was bored" why dont chicks get bored more often
You coming out tonight? We gotta hang out before I move to Madison. BTW I'm moving to Madison.
I would just watch. I wouldn't even have a boner cuz I would do so much coke. It would just be funny.
I've been very busy/drunk lately... Sorry.
and after i failed the breathalyzer i said to the cop "i've never been very good at tests"....
I dont know what we smoked last night but I woke up and found out I started writing a book called White Trash Princess. Its the best thing Ive ever read
I ate an entire popcorn ball before bed. I know that because there is popcorn stuck to my poncho. Also. I'm still drunk. Also. I made out with a 19 year old. Also. #barnparties
The crowd is chanting "we want sex!" There's a man dressed as bacon. That is all
There now exists video of me holding a (recently emptied) bottle of Russian Standard vodka, trying to sing the Russian national anthem.
yeah I woke up in jail with two different shoes on and neither of them were mine
I'll truly miss your penis but your use of words and phrases such as bae, yolo, swag, and totes have ruined how attractive you once were.
I remember telling you that I think Taylor Swift has stolen my essence. I still think that's true.
What I'm doing now is like me taking a bagel, dropping it butter side down, leaving it for six years, picking it back up, and trying to fuck it
Randomize
