Also do the "tongue the pee-hole" thing.
Stalkers don't have time for showers...it's a full time job
just fought my dog for the chicken pie I dropped on the floor.
me and my mom are sitting in the bank parking lot drying my beer soaked check with the heat... the whole car smells like heinekin and I'm trying to convince her I don't need a.a.
I actually had fun getting arrested. That high.
Dude it was a mini horse. It obviously only eats mini things.
I found my phone outside under the leaves by the curb. What the fuck did I do last night
I just want to curl up with him and brush his hair and sing love songs together, I think you should come over and end this
its warm now so i can go back to sleeping with guys based on their fuckability rather than how much warmth they generate.
Can't keep a straight face around her after she asked me to "make fuck to her."
I forgot my backup drink is supposed to be pedialyte and vodka. Add in the shit I'm losing as I drink. Win-Win right?
i just thought a plastic bag was my cat. i just pet a plastic bag. that high.
I said I hate kids.This dude said he will sell his children to go on a date with me.
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
Some sorority went “Dick or Treating” at a frat house and now the Halloween parties are canceled
Randomize
