found the other keg... it's in the tree
Tell her to not eat the pizza she threw up on.
when I woke up I found a half-eaten cherry toaster strudel sandwich with bacon in the middle.
Yeah sketchy neighborhood.. Some woman ran by screaming, "i didn't steal anything" as some cops rolled up and arrested her.
my co-worker, his best friend who also works with us, an my baby daddy, ive turned love triangle into a retarded shape with to many sides to pronounce
Remind me to tell you the one about the cashier that wouldn't sell me Jim Beam and NyQuil.
she said we were using the spray butter as air freshener
And on that day, Satan said; "Let there be the friend zone and let us get fucking high." while Jesus silently cried in the background.
Based on the fact my iPad is covered in pizza, I'm going to assume I ate pizza last night
The highlight of my night was when you proclaimed that the man standing next to you smelt like grape medicine...
I also told the bartender he probably had a beautiful spleen
Burnt food and a broken vibrator. Disappointment after disappointment. Is April a man?
We just had a contest for who has less of a gag reflex...I am sad to admit that my mother won.
I woke up naked next to my hot manager. Left before she woke up, and worked an entire shift with her. She has no idea.
Excuse me. I’m a mature responsible adult.
You got your arm stuck in a vending machine trying to get fruit snacks.
I had a cast on my hand and if I paid for my fruit snacks, I’m getting my fruit snacks.
Randomize
