last night you decided it was time to "get organized" and "straighten out your life." You pulled out a bag of troll dolls, sorted through them and got nostalgic. You demanded both andy and i take one and keep it forever.
The only reason I kept his number in my phone for so long is so that hed pay for my abortion.
so i walked in, looked up the stairs and all i saw was smashed pumpkin, tube socks, and marinara sauce
went to library to start paper due tomorrow & took those orange addys u gave. now realizing they were ur xanax. completely fucked and going to fail, but calmly at peace with the situation.
Apparently shes in the bathroom puking but eating a pot roast she found in the fridge at the same time.
I don't know why people felt they couldn't use the toilet with me passed out in the tub. I shut the curtain. It was like being in another room.
Wait so they unscrewed the bathroom door to find you naked?
It's a lightpost hitting you in the head. Of course it's going to hurt the day after.
Blow job bear ended up in my bed last night. She didn't live up to her costume.
We designated a driver... But it was me..... So we designated another driver
Like did I tell you about the ex Amish guy? Because that was a mess
if i get arrested im counting on you to get a picture of it
My mom always wanted to raise a classy lady, it just turned out to not be her daughter.
we're forecasting high levels of inebriation into the evening with dropping temperatures late at night
I miss my innocence.
I miss being able to say, "I've never done this before."
Randomize
